Just how serious are you?

This is a question I find myself being asked far too frequently for my liking.

In ten years of marriage, I never once had someone approach me and ask “So…just how serious are you and your husband?” There’s good reason for that. It would be an appalling display of manners and an instant way to ensure that person never, ever had a chance even if the marriage were open. Furthermore, the times that my marriage was open were never reason enough to call into question the “seriousness” of that relationship.

So why is it acceptable to ask that question in regards to my collar?

Now, I realize it can be argued that there is a whole “velcro collar” culture out there with submissives who change Dominants the way most people change underpants, but there are also people who do the same thing with spouses. Furthermore, it’s insulting to the individual in question to assume that they are part of said culture. “How serious are things with your Dominant?” contains an underlying tone of “Just how easily could I get you to take my collar instead?”

It’s rude, people.

If you want to ask someone about the potential for a relationship, try “I see you are collared. Are you polyamorous or interested in a play date? Perhaps we could go out for a drink sometime.” Invest some time to get to know the person rather than just diving in with a question about whether their relationship is open to sabotage.

If your only qualification for talking with someone is whether or not you stand a chance of stealing them away and locking a collar around their neck, you’re going to miss out on a lot of interesting friendships and wind up with a flaky sub who leaves you just as quickly as they left their previous Dominant. Show some class and respect pre-existing power exchange relationships the same way you would any other formalized relationship. Don’t be a douche-canoe.

For the record, and this is the last time I’m going to answer this question for anyone: Things with my Owner are SERIOUS. I am not open to having another Dominant in my life, nor do I take kindly to anyone trying to angle to replace him. When I chose to openly wear his collar in public as a visible symbol of our relationship, I did so with the same amount of consideration I gave to getting married to my former husband and openly wearing a wedding ring. It is not just a token because I think collars are cute. It is my way of saying “This slot in my life is filled, please find another niche in my world or GTFO.”

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